In the fine tradition of terrible cat-related inventions, I present: the Cat Tree Suit! Cover some knee-high leather boots with sisal rope, or just staple the rope all over a pair of jeans. Scratching Post Pants! Optional hip belt with built-in ledge for the cat to rest at the halfway mark as it climbs. The … Continue reading “Bad Inventions: Scratching Post Pants and Cat Tree Suit”
I have two new Bad Inventions for my collection of ideas that I will never implement and everyone is free to steal! First, let me introduce the Laptop Girdle (or laptop belt)! I often am working on my computer while lying on my back with knees and feet up on pillows to relieve strain in … Continue reading “Bad Inventions: The laptop girdle and the standing desk bra!”
This terrible invention fits well into my usual purview, cat-related ridiculousness — like dead mouse cat treats, sugar cereal themed cat litter, and of course the ever-popular Catula. Instead of horrible genetically engineered “bed dogs” that are like animal exploitationy meat-based waterbeds (Thanks but no thanks, Larry Niven), we should invent purring blankets. Take a … Continue reading “Bad inventions: The purring electric blanket”
This is hardly a bad invention. It is sheer genius, because dumplings are fucking delicious. And because I don’t have time to create it, I give it to you. The Dumpling Compass! Dumpling Compass is a phone app that points you towards the nearest dumpling source. Consider the miracle of the dumpling. The basic idea … Continue reading “Bad Inventions: Dumpling Compass!”
I have two more bad inventions to add to the world, both cat-related! Think how awesome it would be if we had cat treats that had the varied textures of dead mice! Pampered indoor cats could have the fun of chewing on the leathery outer skin made of meat jerky, crunching the fake bones, savoring … Continue reading “Bad inventions: Dead mouse cat treats”
From my notebook pages of ridiculous inventions and bad ideas, for your amusement. As I fiddled with a pot of conductive paint and thought about murals on the wall with blinky LEDs, I had the horrible idea of painting a toilet seat with conductive paint in such a way so that when you sit on … Continue reading “Bad inventions: Dog skates and conductive paint toilet seats!”
Imagine you have to blow your nose. You don’t have any pockets and no tissues are handy. But wait! You’re wearing your Sockerchiefs! Sockerchiefs, the latest in my line of horrible and pointless inventions, would be a handkerchief attached to your sock with velcro. Reach down, rip off the top half of your socks, and … Continue reading “Bad invention: The Sockerchief!”
The Catula, or Cat Spatula, is a ridiculous invention meant to help kind-hearted cat owners to move their cats from one place to another. It would gently pick up and move a cat from a shady place on the floor to a new, sunny patch. If your cats are asleep in a cute position on … Continue reading “Bad invention: The Catula!”
Instead of explaining about all the posts I mean to write and haven’t, about WisCon and my ankles and all the books I’ve been reading, I bring you my latest terrible invention, to go with the Catula, Elboff, the Beer Hat Neti Pot, Cat Eggs, and the Sockerchief. You know how there are Chia Pets … Continue reading “My latest terrible invention: The Chia Butt, and Underpockets”
It’s new notebook day! Always lovely even if you haven’t finished the new notebook (though I have!) to start afresh, to make resolutions, to number the pages and have an aspirational Index page, and best of all to feel the infinite possibilities of the fresh start and the blank book! Uncontaminated by to-do lists and … Continue reading “Reclaiming our brunchlord glory”