My new startup idea qualifies as a Bad Invention for sure! It is an AI powered app that you install on your phone. Take a photo of a pile of dog poop and it will extrapolate a photo of the dog that left it. Perfect for placing blame on your neighbors for not picking up … Continue reading “Bad invention: Catch that pooper”
I have invented an excellent gender-confused term of address. It is not really gender “neutral”. Sometimes, when my haircut is just right, strangers address me something like this: “Sir, uh ma’am, uh, sir, uh I mean . . .” and then they trail off in confusion. If my gender presentation confuses people, that’s perfect! I … Continue reading “Bad Inventions, linguistics edition! M’Dude’m”
It’s time for . . . BAD INVENTIONS! Today’s terrible invention and bad idea is a vertical loom, the kind that you would stand or sit in front of to weave a big tapestry, combined with a beautiful, complex, cat tree for your cats to play on. Penelope would not have had to stay up … Continue reading “Bad Inventions: Vertical Loom and cat tree combo”
I thought of a good bad invention yesterday with my nephew as we studied the vaulted ceilings in my parents’ condo. The upside-down chandelier hat!! While you are right side up, it just looks like a large fancy hat with sparkling decorations heaped on top. BUT!!!! When you are ready for a formal dinner, simply … Continue reading “Bad inventions: The upside-down chandelier hat!”
I have come up with a new bad invention! Flatware for flatworms, or flatworm flatware. Knives, forks, and spoons shaped like Planaria! They could have some aspect where they nest together and appear to make a larger flatworm which comes apart into separate worms! Because of the idea that you can cut them up and … Continue reading “Bad Invention: Flatworm Flatware!”
As a perfect answer to the people over my lifetime who would pontificate about Hofstadtler (sometimes without having read the book), I present you a supreme bad invention: the Gödel Escher Bra! Held up with Möbius Straps! (Alternate form: Eternal Golden Bra) I thought of this in 2015 — just came across it again and … Continue reading “Bad Invention: The Gödel Escher Bra”
My cat loves to try to sharpen her claws on my nice leather boots while I’m wearing them. Perfect opportunity for a BAD INVENTION. Cat spats! Made of scratching-post-quality sisal fabric, they’d buckle on over your shoes to protect them from errant claws. Then your cat can enjoy digging in and your boots will be … Continue reading “Bad Invention: Cat Spats!”
My cat likes to nuzzle my face in order to scratch her chin against the rim of my glasses, often knocking the glasses right off. I was thinking that I could hot glue some old toothbrush heads to some sunglasses, bristles pointing forward. The cat would then be able to affectionately bump my face while … Continue reading “Bad Invention: Meowbrows!”
There is nothing like a hearty chain sneezing bout to bring on a flood. And there is nothing more annoying than days and days of bleeding all over the place. OPPORTUNITY! Why not help your Aunt Flo leave town faster by administering my latest and best invention, MENSTRUAL SNEEZING POWDER. Just snort it copiously on … Continue reading “Bad Invention: Menstrual Sneezing Powder”
Lately I keep finding little torn up plastic pouches around the house with Danny’s name on them. They turned out to be some sort of personalized vitamins where each packet says DANNY on it and then a little inspirational saying. The vitamins also, I believe, have an app. I find my partner’s propensity to order … Continue reading “Bad invention: Personalized kleenex!”