Bad Invention: Menstrual Sneezing Powder

There is nothing like a hearty chain sneezing bout to bring on a flood. And there is nothing more annoying than days and days of bleeding all over the place. OPPORTUNITY! Why not help your Aunt Flo leave town faster by administering my latest and best invention, MENSTRUAL SNEEZING POWDER. Just snort it copiously on … Continue reading “Bad Invention: Menstrual Sneezing Powder”

Bad invention: Personalized kleenex!

Lately I keep finding little torn up plastic pouches around the house with Danny’s name on them. They turned out to be some sort of personalized vitamins where each packet says DANNY on it and then a little inspirational saying. The vitamins also, I believe, have an app. I find my partner’s propensity to order … Continue reading “Bad invention: Personalized kleenex!”

Bad Inventions: Scratching Post Pants and Cat Tree Suit

In the fine tradition of terrible cat-related inventions, I present: the Cat Tree Suit! Cover some knee-high leather boots with sisal rope, or just staple the rope all over a pair of jeans. Scratching Post Pants! Optional hip belt with built-in ledge for the cat to rest at the halfway mark as it climbs. The … Continue reading “Bad Inventions: Scratching Post Pants and Cat Tree Suit”

A wild augmented reality appears!

As I went up the hill to get groceries today, from across the street I hollered “Well hey there! I see you’re catching a Pok√©mon!” to a guy in front of the Bernal Heights library. He barely even turned to look at me as I rolled up but he giggled and replied “Yep, lots of … Continue reading “A wild augmented reality appears!”

Pak protector in utility vest

Sometimes when I’m bitching about joint pain Danny points out I am probably becoming a Pak protector. Uncanny since I really love wearing vests and eating sweet potatoes and would love to be the superintelligent fighting machine protector of entire planets, ringworlds, or whatever, while fixing and inventing things and reading libraries full of books. … Continue reading “Pak protector in utility vest”

Bad Inventions: The laptop girdle and the standing desk bra!

I have two new Bad Inventions for my collection of ideas that I will never implement and everyone is free to steal! First, let me introduce the Laptop Girdle (or laptop belt)! I often am working on my computer while lying on my back with knees and feet up on pillows to relieve strain in … Continue reading “Bad Inventions: The laptop girdle and the standing desk bra!”

Bad inventions: The purring electric blanket

This terrible invention fits well into my usual purview, cat-related ridiculousness — like dead mouse cat treats, sugar cereal themed cat litter, and of course the ever-popular Catula. Instead of horrible genetically engineered “bed dogs” that are like animal exploitationy meat-based waterbeds (Thanks but no thanks, Larry Niven), we should invent purring blankets. Take a … Continue reading “Bad inventions: The purring electric blanket”

Bad Inventions: Dumpling Compass!

This is hardly a bad invention. It is sheer genius, because dumplings are fucking delicious. And because I don’t have time to create it, I give it to you. The Dumpling Compass! Dumpling Compass is a phone app that points you towards the nearest dumpling source. Consider the miracle of the dumpling. The basic idea … Continue reading “Bad Inventions: Dumpling Compass!”