Logical steps and “eldering”

Rather comically I have from a fairly young age, thought forward to wanting to be “wise” and the practice of being an elder. I found some of Suzette Haden Elgin‘s ideas useful there though I think in actual practice what I took from her writing is perhaps different from both what she intended by it and how she lived it. Sometimes she exhibited that wisdom in action and sometimes she didn’t – whomst among us, etc. But we can aspire, right?! Here’s an example of guidelines she came up with:

1. An Elder almost always teaches by example.
2. An Elder gives advice only when it’s asked for, except in dire emergencies.
3. An Elder is able to stay detached.
4. An Elder is, above all, consistent.
5. An Elder is safe to be with.
6. An Elder knows how and when to listen.
7. An Elder is compassionate.
8. An Elder has “presence.”

I am not so systematic. (Waffle-headed, holographic or holistic, if you are kind)

My own mantra for putting something like ‘eldering’ into practice, is a lot more simple. It has been, “young people already respect you, they don’t want to hear you talk about yourself so much, what they want or need is for you to listen to their ideas and dreams and validate them”. If I want to talk about myself all day long, which I of course enjoy, I have THIS VERY BLOG in which to do so!!!

Like Marcus Aurelius, because of my impulses to blather on all day, I have to remind myself frequently to stfu and listen and learn from younger people. Whenever I do focus my attention on The Youth (an increasingly flexible and vast category where more and more people, oddly, belong for me), it is a great thing.

There are other underpinnings to this idea – for example I already more or less KNOW what I think and feel and am capable of getting bored with myself. But also also, I feel like if I fully “unfurl” as Danny and I describe it, I feel like I’m this enormous juggernaut and it is a bit overwhelming. (We both enjoy that we are not Too Much for each other and can fully unfurl our sails and superpowers, like vast multidimensional entities.)

If you are older you automatically have done and experienced a bunch of shit that is difficult, interesting, and long to describe! We do not want anyone younger to have the impression that:

* the important things have already happened
* you fucking missed it, you worm

No!!! You did not miss it! History is NOW! You are IT!!!!! You are IMPORTANT!!!! Pay attention to the people around you NOW because they too are IMPORTANT and you are a(n) artistic & literary & cultural SCENE!!!!

I will keep repeating this until morale improves!!!

Some years ago despite my being Extremely Young Still people started referring to me (to my face) as an actual disabled elder or queer elder (or both). How disconcerting!

The whole vibe of this also ties in to my early ambitions to be a professor (mostly so I could get that bow tie ). I have only taught one semester of college English but enjoyed it greatly! Since I have a different career, my professor fix comes from informal associations (or non hierarchical places like Noisebridge). Though perhaps I will teach some of my dream classes in world lit, the history of zines, etc. someday when I “retire”. Anyway, my point is that you can Professor it up but that is less about lecturing and more about mentoring by listening to intelligent and motivated people and hyping them up; suggesting reading, research, directions, projects, and so on.

That was a lot of explanation to come to my Very Small Epiphany this morning as I put together a little package of tiny zines and stickers to send to a stranger who is mailing me a zine that is their homage to Alice Wong. (I will put their zine copies about Alice at the Disability Cultural Center as soon as they arrive!) And have spent a lot of time in the last couple of months doing archiving work for Freddie Baer and going through my friend’s parents’ entire (enormous) house as her mom died and her dad is in assisted living.

I am in a milieu where it is common to refer to “the ancestors”. As in “I was not ready for Stacey to become our ancestor”. Disabled people (and honestly, trans, queer, historically though I hope not any more in future…) tend to become “ancestors” a bit earlier than we would hope.

The next logical step after preparing to be an elder is preparing to be an ancestor.

Fuck! I do need to get my own shit in order, my poems, papers, diaries/journals, riot grrrl zine collection, maybe a catalogue of the rarer or more interesting books that should be kept together. As a bit of a proto hoarder – I am not going to let go of this stuff right now, but I need to put way more work into its cultivation and organization. So many poems I have lost track of or forgotten that I even wrote (or, entire zines/books!) I will get it in better order, get all my poems that I can find, at least into my own database and send them out for publication since they deserve homes.

So that is part of my plan for the next year. I also plan to live to be 100 years old and will not mind doddering around to sit in the sun and pet my cats, reading, beaming upon everyone benevolently, demanding that someone bring me more coffee, and bitching (more) about my knees.