Going through Freddie’s books

When Quilter and I left Mary’s house I ended up with several large plastic bins of Freddie’s collages as well as some boxes of slightly mildewy books. Quilter pulled the stuff that looked like older, more rare or interesting anarchist and other political books along with first editions and old copies of feminist science fiction. There’s another box of zines and letters, mostly zines and books that have Freddie’s art on the cover or inside as illustrations. Mary has her enormous collection of vintage Tura glasses, mostly cat-eye style with amazing rhinestones, filigree, or other baroque ornamentation.

As I catalogued and tagged the political books I got a very interesting picture of Freddie’s intellectual history and context – her milieu – that has given me a deeper appreciation of her art. I wish I had known her better as a friend rather than a long time acquaintance. She is a bit older than I am and I developed a sense of her in the 70s as a young person, agitating for the rights of herself and her fellow high school students, being around the “Red and Black” crowd(s) in the midwest, then dropping into the Situationist ferment of Santa Cruz and Berkeley and the general Bay Area. I came across letters from people like John Zerzan, sending her zines, reprints of Freddy Perlman or Camatte booklets, all kinds of stuff that it will take me a while to untangle (and likely scan). Debord, Goldman, Marx, De Cleyre, Jo Freeman, Audre Lorde. Mass production, technology, sociological arguments about industrialization, ecology, sexuality & gender; revolutions, schisms within revolutionary organizations, all made their way into her work. Anarchist women, surrealists, bomb throwers, angry women of all kinds. Her typesetting and graphic design alongside her art underpinned several different intertwined scenes & zines.

I was reminded a little of the feeling I have whenever I visit Timmi Duchamp’s house and when I first saw her amazing library (heavy philosophy! Holy shit!) Like getting to see the cathedral of books as a ghostly structure around her work. These few boxes of Freddie’s books hand picked by Quilter felt like a dark and beautiful sea, with my tiny boat (my own understanding) tossed around by the waves.

Like poetry the point of art (like freddie’s) is sometimes to say what can’t be said a different way , or say it in a way that can’t be “read” in words by people who will never trace your particular pathway through the world of books and ideas. Freddie’s delicate flywheels and iron, tendrils of vines, weave around women who are tigers, who are fairies, framed by the way they are classical statues, like Galatea bursting with things she wants to say, laid carefully across pages of anthropological texts, the chalice and the blade. Dozens of complex textures mixed with doll heads, with flowers, in a kaleidosope or a mandala, like stained glass window frames or reflections in a fly’s eye.

I am pecking away at these scans with my nice CZUR high speed camera scanner and putting them in two places, one on my Flickr in an album which also contains stuff that isn’t scans of her original art, and then more permanently and I hope usefully on Wikimedia Commons, under the category Collages by Freddie Baer. They are CC-4.0-BY licensed as Freddie wished. So far, there are 54 high quality/ high resolution scans up on Wikimedia Commons — take a look! Or, you can page through this little Flickr embed to have a glimpse of all the Freddie related stuff in my Flickr set.

Freddie Baer memorial album

For many of these works we have not correlated the titles with the work, so my file names for them are intended to be temporary placeholders.

I was at a party at Lisa‘s house this week & got to hang out with so many lovely bookish people, most of them knew Freddie, often through SFF communities like Potlatch which went all up and down the West Coast for many years. A bunch of us who used to do the “Tom Purdue” Proust dinner parties are going to reconvene and read Middlemarch (with me and Patrick advocating a bit for Dream of Red Mansions… maybe next.) Karen & Mike, Debbie, and others (I was briefly in their apazine but couldn’t keep up). I love those folks and especially am always keen to hear anything that comes out of Janet Lafler’s mouth, love her keen critical eye & wit & perspective. From some of those connections we will gather up more of Freddie’s work to scan (even if from prints not originals) and probably can figure out more of the titles. The T-shirt of the month club work is going to be tough to identify & catalogue!

Quilter and I are going back together to make one more pass through Freddie’s books and papers, next week.

I wish I had known Freddie better before this, and I wish we’d known to help do all this kind of organizing, scanning, curation, etc. for her (if she would have even allowed it). She was not looking to make a profit off her art. Obviously! Deliberately! As a political and artistic choice and I respect that a lot and understand it. Freddie gave her art away, she let it be used for fundraisers or swag for things like alt.polycon, the Tiptree, Potlatch and other really vibrant amazing communities. She made her money not just by her day job as a print materials designer, but by thrifting and re-selling (another interesting and deliberate political choice!)

I feel very determined that those choices to be non-commercial in her approach should not mean her work is disrespected or forgotten. Like, yes I am doing this because I will basically do any kind of collaboration with Quilter (we are also going to unfuck the feministsf.org site, wiki, blog, etc. on this visit and go through her books among other things.) But i am doing it because I love Freddie’s work and the bits of her politics and thought that I do know.

Thinking suddenly of Lorine Neidecker pulled out of semi isolation by Corman, and of course who even reads Cid Corman these days (other than me).

It is sobering work. Like, it’s one feeling to be sad I didn’t know her better, but how much more everyone feels who had been close to her! It is painful.

All of this made me think about the mess my own work is in. Every holiday season I look at my poetry and my writing and try to pull some more of it together, make a new zine, or re-publish something from my back catalog for Kindle. But it is in wild disarray. I don’t k now where entire years or books of poems are, or I might have one or two copies of a book/booklet or some printouts in a binder from 30 years ago, but no longer can find the files of entire manuscripts. It always is upsetting to face the mess. This isn’t even considering the things in journals & notebooks that never made it to a more final typed form. As I worked on this over the last week, on and off, I kept finding ENTIRE MANUSCRIPTS that I’d forgotten about, scattered poems, translations, or essays that were published that I also forgot about.

I resolved to set aside a little more time for that work and am putting all the poems and translations that are a bit more “finished” (lol) into a database locally on my laptop, and also to send out poems (old or new) more regularly for publication. A little archival work on myself, I guess.

Some local poets (or some correspondents even) would be so nice. I should call up Artsen and figure out a time to hang and write or go meet up with him at Hotel Utah. The DCC open mic was also super promising and I should be going to the Queer Open Mic at Strut more often to meet people! Feels like I lost my “scene” so many times and it is time to rebuild & make connections.

Some conversations on the bus

A few conversations from the front of the bus that have stayed with me –

Skater Dad

A young guy sitting across from me with a skateboard propped up next to him. Shaved head, some neck tattoos going a bit onto his face. He remarked on my crossword puzzle, said he just couldn’t wrap his head around them, and we got to chatting. He was kind of trying to tell me all his wisest thoughts, like, he isn’t crossword puzzle smart, but he has lived on the street and learned to survive, and it had this freedom to it but it was also really bad and now he works hard to keep housed and stable to support his two young kids. He wanted to know if I had been to college (yes) and if I thought it was worth it (I said that it depends but City College is free and start slow with one class that is something you really like.)

I wish I could remember exactly how he worded all of this but it’s been a couple of weeks and I can’t. His earnestness and his face stay with me though.

One of the good ones

Late at night, cold and a bit drizzly, after a fancy work dinner where we drank rather a lot of sake. The bus driver was smoking in the street around the other side of the bus on his break, then came to let us on when he noticed us waiting. “XXth Street, right? I know you!” “Oh yeah you do know me! That’s my stop!” “You’re a nice one!” (to my partner) “Not like those wheelchairs who go into the walgreens, steal everything, get on my bus, get off at 16th st and everyone comes to them to buy it”

Okaaaaaaay man.

Twins

Two adorable toddlers, twins, in matching pink and blue outfits with little monster hats with double pom poms, and both very content with lollipops, in a double wide stroller their very tired looking mom, standing up, who had trouble managing on the crowded bus. I put on my light up antennae headband (on my way to xmas party) to make them laugh.

Shouting gardener
The lady next to her was also standing and with a large push cart strapped with boxes and bungees, talking to herself and occasionally loud yelling in Spanish about how Trump was a chicken and all the white house was evil, evil chickens and they should think more about Jesus. As the bus got more crowded she got agitated and finally started yelling at the top of her lungs at some young people who were sitting in the 2nd row back of disabled/elderly seats. She really gave them a reaming out. They were like middle school boys who just weren’t looking up from their phones and they got up pronto as soon as they noticed.

At first, it was funny and kind of endearing and many people were nodding and smirking a little. But then she escalated and would not stop yelling. The little twins in their stroller were disturbed, their mom was getting it right in the ear at one million decibels, and the rest of the bus was like, OK enough already.

I figured I may as well throw myself on the bomb, so I tapped her arm and asked about a book she had sticking out of her cart kind of under a big box of vegetables. “beautiful flowers, do you like gardening?” I was not sure if this would make her yell at me, but figured gardens and beautiful flowers are a soothing topic. It worked pretty well ! She got the book out (California Native Plant Gardening) and gave it to me. We then talked about gardens. She does love gardens but doesn’t have one now. She sends money to her niece who has now bought a plot of land and is building a house (in Nicaragua) and has planted avocado, lemon, and mango trees. We then discussed farmers markets and free food pantry vegetables (half her cart). She has been out of work for a few months and is very grateful for the free pantries.

This topic lasted us for a long while and then I commented how cute the twins were as they got off the bus. “I love babies, I love children, I love to see them by my house, coming from the ballet, the little girls in their dresses.” I have also seen them recently coming out of the Nutcracker ballet and they are adorable running around the City Hall xmas trees doing family photos. Shouting Gardener lady turns out to love the opera, and then started yelling just a bit louder about how much she loves Bocelli. (Not sure why that made her agitated but it did.) She then said that she hoped I would come to her home and have dinner some day.

(Oh yikes no)

I got off the bus and guiltily fled, as the light was about to change and she was having trouble getting her shopping cart off the bus. I was late to my OTHER work party, and I felt so emotionally buffeted that escape looked good. Undoubtedly i will see her again on the same bus.

No one clapped but I felt I had done a good deed to spare people the out of control shouting and had also been friendly to a kind of messed up lady.

Another one of the good ones
Last night coming home from another party the man across from me did not even wait for me to settle in.
Guy: “You know what these wheelchairs, there are so many.”
Me: ??? (internal sigh)
Guy: You know there are so many wheelchairs on the bus these days
Me: I’m not sure what you mean.
Guy: Why there are so many wheelchairs who get on the bus now!!!
Me: It’s great that we have accessible transit.
Guy: You know why!?! They just get on and they don’t pay. Hahahah! They don’t pay! At least YOU tap to pay!!! :: eyebrow waggle ::
Me: The bus is free for many low income wheelchair users. I pay a discounted fare but if you don’t have any money, it’s free so maybe they don’t bother to tap. I tap even if the driver waves me on for free because I want MUNI to record how many people are riding.

Way overexplaining to some guy who may not have understood and who was a little bit “off” but it is my way to cope sometimes.

I enjoy my random encounters on the bus, mostly!