Happy birthday to the kittens!

two teenage kittens curled up on colorful blue blankets

Happy 5 month birthday to Khaaan! and Fizzbin, our adorable kittens! They are sisters from Quizzical Cattery in Seattle. Here they are curled up on fuzzy blankets on a chair this morning.

Fizzbin is more quick, impulsive, and energetic, while Khaaan! is more muscley and bides her time before leaping when they play. They also will both fetch a toy when they feel like it! They sleep together and groom each other very sweetly MOST of the time. And they are very affectionate, following us all over the house, sleeping under the covers, etc. I think Khaaan will enjoy a baby carrying sling based on my experiments with scarves tied across my chest. The only problem is 6am they start walking on my head but we will see if they can be trained out of that!

On a more frivolous note

I have invented a new word useful for all of our political struggles: Snackquity, for equitable access to delicious snacks.

My cats are letting me know about this important concept and asking me to be with them in community and solidarity.

two teenage siamese kittens in liz's lap in manual wheelchair, action shot of one cat leaping

Translating their frantic lunchtime meows:

How about a little mutual aid to OPEN THIS CAN OF CAT FOOD?

While humans get pastries, with their thumbs, we who have paws, just get the crumbs!

What do we want? SNACKQUITY!!! When do we want it? MEOWWWWW!!!

hilarious close up of a cross eyed kitten with its mouth open wide to the camera

Accessible Futures discussions

Earlier this week I went to the Metropolitan Regional Commission’s Accessible Futures conference and had a great time being in community with so many badass disabled folks & talking with people from all over the Bay Area who work in transit. The main track for the conference was on transit, and there were other discussions on housing, employment, and climate. I want to give a high level summary and maybe a few critiques along the way (shocker!)

The MTC was created by the California Legislature in 1970 to plan, finance and coordinate the Bay Area’s transportation systems, and now includes other regional issues, including housing and development. They get funding from many sources, including 700 million/year in bridge tolls, and distribute or help move over 1 billion per year to other agencies. 9 counties! Many cities and towns! I think 27 different transit agencies too!

In short, what they are, who they are, and what they do is super complicated!

I enjoyed hearing the presentation of MTC’s 4 year plan. Here is a PDF of it: https://mtc.ca.gov/sites/default/files/documents/2024-12/MTC-Coordinated-Plan-2024.pdf.pdf They sound committed to improving accessibility and are starting with a unified design for signage and wayfinding across all the regions and forms of public transit.

several powerchair users facing the conference speaker Dr victor pineda

Each section of the day’s discussions kicked off with a sort of panel of people with related expertise or experience. Often that was simply a short self-introduction and then the rest of the time was taken up by carrying the mic around to us in the ‘audience’ of other participants.

This worked well enough to get ideas flowing and people talking. But I would have liked to hear more thoughts and discussion from the panelists. Or if we were going to hear from everyone in the room, just do it round robin style and give everyone an opportunity to introduce themselves and their work or experiences, and to speak further. We had the time!

My impression of the most important points raised in the transit track:

1) Defragmentation of services
Reliable, same day scheduling, with single-seat rides, are a big goal.

Moving across “regions” is an expensive, confusing experience for disabled people on public transit. Paratransit users have many inequities in services. That is, rather than scheduling a ride a day or more in advance, then having to transfer to a different paratransit agency/vehicle because you are going from one city to another or one county to another. As an imperfect solution, having subsidized ride-hailing (Uber/Lyft/Waymo) rides can improve things quite a lot for disabled riders’ experiences.

2) Equitable fares.

Everyone should have reasonable costs to get from point A to point B. Paratransit users are still facing unequal costs depending on the region or municipality they are traveling in. We pay more, and we get less, or worse, service in many cases.

3) Respect for our time and agency.

This is somewhat nebulous, but many of the pain points I heard articulated from the crowd hinged on disrespect for our time.
* The timing on paratransit rides often doesn’t work, as drivers arrive early or late. A paratransit ride might be shared with someone else so scheduling is imprecise to start with and we can only book a goal for either pickup, or dropoff, time but not both.
* A blind person trying to get schedule information shouldn’t have to wrestle for 10 minutes with a PDF to find out when the next train is when a sighted person can glance at a display.
* A wheelchair or walker user gets off BART where there are elevators at both ends of the platform (19th St. Oakland I’m looking at you) from the platform to the concourse, but only one side has an elevator to the street, so if you pick the wrong one you have to traverse an entire city block underground, twice.

We have jobs, appointments, school, picking up our kids, and so on to get to. Wasting our time is huge inequity that makes it hard for us to be integrated into the life of the society around us.

4) Respect and communication in general

Many people described bad experiences that could improve through better and consistent training for all transit staff. This should also mean an accessible and usable complaint process that provides information and feedback to the person filing the complaint.

5. Removing barriers
– or continuing to remove them. For example increasing level boarding opportunities and ramps. Ramps don’t break (or at least, not as fast as lifts and elevators do.) Designing new infrastructure so that it doesn’t have obvious weak points. Multimodal points of communication for things like schedules, stops, and navigation for blind, Deaf, hard of hearing, Deaf-blind, IDD folks, and others.

6) Disaster planning

I got the sense that the conference runners felt that disaster planning was out of scope for our discussions about transit, while many participants had strong feelings it WAS a transit planning issue. We see over and over that when a disaster strikes, able bodied people evacuate while disabled and elderly people are left to die. And the responsibility for planning for these situations is left to us individually, who may have the fewest resources to turn to. Is this regional transit’s problem? Not them alone but it would be helpful of course if transit had more capacity to transport disabled people as seamlessly as it can everyone else.

Given those points we raised, how can our convening help or influence the decisions that city government, transit agencies, and others make in the future?

As the organizers or more precisely the various consultants they hired to facilitate the conference repeatedly asked, But what about NEXT STEPS? Look, obviously the next steps are complicated and to start making them we would need to understand the giant web of funding, regulations, paratransit agency procurement policies, and local politics of every governmental body in the Bay Area.

When you bring together a lot of disabled people to talk about things like transit and housing, you are going to get complaints and demands that may not slot into what is possible from the political landscape so this process needs to be heavily 2 way.

The wayfinding and signage consolidation plan actually sounded reasonably good to me, like, an obvious improvement for a huge number of people.

The most positive stories I heard from people were about paratransit moving to ride-hailing services like Uber and Lyft. Feelings are very mixed as we are aware of the bad labor practices of these companies and the climate effects of continuing to commit to “car first culture”. AND YET. Everyone speaking up who mentioned these programs said that they were LIFE CHANGING. For the first time in someone’s life having access to on demand transportation that comes with some (even if inadequate) structure. We can assert that, I think, and also help to fight for the rights of the drivers to decent treatment and a living wage.

Some cities like Richmond and I think Hayward have programs where if you qualify for paratransit you can use it to take Uber (or Lyft?) which in THEORY includes a wheelchair accessible vehicle or WAV. You pay a small cost like $3 per ride, then the local govt. picks up some amount over that, and anything extra over a cap (say, $19) the rider pays out of pocket.

I shared many positive examples during the discussions and in personal conversations – here’s two I can remember:

1) For years I reported a particular very terrible and unsafe curb cut, in a busy part of downtown, via the SF 311 app. Finally, someone from SFMTA contacted me via email and I think we may have even had a call, and they shared a very fascinating spreadsheet with me, that listed all the curb cut complaints they have gathered, with details like cost estimates to fix, travel in that intersection, and the availability of alternate routes of travel. That act of sharing data — that should or couse be, I think, public data! — turned my frustration and anger to a feeling of wanting to collaborate and help, as well as understanding how the agency was making decisions about priorities.

2) Over the last several years (maybe 5 or 10, honestly I can’t be more precise) SF MUNI bus drivers have gotten better and better at handling wheelchair using and other disabled riders. I mean me, but also my observations of their interactions with other riding with me in the front of the bus. It used to be, out of a 4 bus journey across town, ie going somewhere and back with 1 transfer, one out of those 4 rides would try my very soul and I would end up sad and enraged at how I was treated (or how others were treated too of course). That has VASTLY improved and I’d put it more like 1 out of 30 rides being super enraging and maybe a few more having some point of normal frustration. It’s so, so much better. I don’t feel the drivers are angry and hostile, they don’t seem to be worrying too much about the time it takes to deploy the ramp, they don’t pass me up as often, and so on. Notably, they are way more proactive to get other riders to cram in or move if the front of the bus is crowded. And they have stopped (mostly) scolding and yelling at me about what they think I am supposed to be doing. (Like, where I wait to board the bus, or even, whether I SHOULD be riding the bus at a busy time of day.)

And, I also told stories one on one about my experiences actually trying to hail and use an Uber, Lyft, and Waymo WAV (wheelchair accessible vehicle). When it works, it works. When it doesn’t you have no recourse. I can take a (free, currently) Waymo WAV within the boundaries of San Francisco, despite the almost non-functional “app” – which lacks info about who is coming and where they are and their ETA — usually, they arrive in 20-25 minutes as for some reason they are always parked in Marina Green, a place I never go on the far side of town across maximum traffic. I can get a costly (price gouging disabled people) Uber, FROM San Francisco, in maybe 10-15 minutes pickup time, to go across the Bay to Richmond to visit my parents, but then I won’t be able to get back because their coverage just doesn’t exist (it will promise it’s connecting you with a WAV, then it doesn’t.) And, their rear loading vans put a wheelchair user in a very weird position, basically at a steep angle lying on my back since I roll up the ramp and then stay … on a steeply tilted ramp. It is unacceptably uncomfortable to me. (No staff of the transit agencies had ever heard these complaints?!) Lyft sometimes has an OK experience but mostly lacks coverage and availability. (Wild that these stories were news to anyone…)

This leads me to my next point which is that when you get a lot of us in the room to talk about this stuff you are asking us to talk about stuff that is actually traumatic. So the direction the discussion goes is often “freaked out trauma dump”. It is unavoidable.

We have to navigate that up front. It is a fairly intense request to ask people to process traumatic experiences (this comes up a lot with health care for example) and then to immediately come up with systemic solutions. They don’t really go well together, you need to acknowledge that dredging it up is painful (even harmful) and make some point of transition to talking about things in a different way. Not just like, some able bodied consultant facilitators going, “OK well enough with the list of grievances, how about the next steps?!” Dude. No.

Disabled, or let’s say, disability justice informed, organizers would not have been so unfeeling and would have held space for our intense feelings, our rage, our fear, our sadness, and hold out hope for solidarity and healing.

My final point, I think, is about the end of the conference which was framed as taking some of the “notes” or points from the 2 days of discussion, and using them to write a group “Resolution”. Like a political statement beginning, Resolved, we the undersigned, affirm our fundamental right and demand blah blah.”

There were so many problems with how this was approached.

First, I am sorry to be harsh, but the document given to us as the draft of the Resolution was like someone, or some AI, took an assortment of bullet points and made them into sentences with no logical relationship of one point to another, nothing given emphasis or weighted, and barely readable. I love a semi-colon, but Christ! It was a giant list in “prose” that as an English composition college professor I would have given a D or maybe a C-.

Then, this document was handed out to us as 24 pages of large print text , or a qr code where we could get a PDF. Then someone tried reading it out loud line by line asking for “edits” or commentary after each sentence.

That is not a viable way to edit or write a document collaboratively!!!

And I am not sure what anyone thinks would then happen to that document. No government official is going to wade through all that. At best some mayor’s office intern is going to pipe the PDF into an AI to summarize it in bullet points.

We could have each written (with assistance if needed) maybe 3-5 points we wanted included, put them on actual post it notes and shove it up on a white board. Not ideal access but better collaborative construction of ideas. And then giving us time to both contribute those points (after the conference!) and to have space to read and comment on any document created from them. For accessibility, it isn’t gonna happen in real time.

Then when Melissa sitting next to me (from TheARC) asked about plain language translation, the facilitators didn’t have a clue what that even meant.

I had serious, serious doubts about, well, what to me looked like LLM generated sections of the document. If I’m right about that, I think it was both unnecessary and inappropriate.

It was unclear what was going on, overall. A discussion, yes. A group construction of an advocacy platform? Feedback to the MTC on their plan? Suggestions for the next 4 year plan? In what way did this actually result in some sort of engagement in a democratic government process? (Unclear to me but I am a noob in this space so bear with me.)

It was kind of sad to see this fizzling end to the day, pulling out all the joy, momentum, and sense of connection I had felt compared to the rest of the conference which was very nice and conducive to good conversations. I have a slightly better idea of what kinds of advocacy and oversight and planning agencies and committees are out there, that I might join if I have the time (or pay) to work on these issues directly.

Overall, I’m so glad that I went and participated. The goal was to dream big and make connections, and I think we all succeeded in that even if it didn’t translate to a “political document” about what we “want”. I put “want” in quotes because, We don’t need a new manifesto to assert the rights we as disabled people already have in law.

powerchair user with BART totebag on the back of her chair, and her seated partner, looking at conference speaker victor pineda

Magical boarding school but not horrible this time

I enjoyed reading The Incandescent — for once, a magical boarding school book that isn’t about horribly creating child soldiers, with the accompanying abuse, neglect, and so on, but shows us adults who are caring for, protecting, nurturing, and centering the children. A great story & fun to also read this story from an adult point of view.

I am still in the middle of an interesting book called Traveling in the Third Reich, about tourism and visitors to Germany between 1919 and 1945. It is full of gossipy quotes from diaries and letters of artists, journalists, writers, diplomats, and plain old tourists. The Mitfords make an appearance – always fun. Anyway, it seemed relevant to get a sense of the different ways that different people perceived the country and its politics.

It is not exactly a restful book so to fall asleep I have been reading Baroness Orczy’s detective stories and another early series with a “middle class detective” Martin Hewitt. I am trying to like Hewitt and can appreciate why he was an answer to Sherlock Holmes but his stories are awfully boring.

No Kings protests today

So many great photos and videos coming out today from the No Kings protests around the U.S.! I want to save them here to remember part of the firehose of amazing images. It is not being really covered well by news media (yet). So also in case it is downplayed tomorrow I’d like to convey the impression I got today that this was huge all over the country. I also get pretty disgusted with things like seeing (right now) CNN have a headline like “Americans not sure what to think about Trump’s deportations”. Today is a very clear indication what Americans think!!!! Damn!!!

I also was very impressed seeing this wasn’t just a few big cities. It was smaller cities and small towns and in some of those I’m seeing reports that something like 1/5 of the town turned out to rally. That’s so powerful! And in the SF Bay Area I can see that while we had an enormous 100K+ gathering here (reports of up to 150K) that was simultaneous with all the towns around us haveing their own rallies and marches, 30K in San Jose, thousands more in Vallejo, Concord, Santa Cruz, and so on. It isn’t like everyone had to come to the nearest big city. It is just happening everywhere.

A selection from my casual feed on Bluesky, in no particular order,

Ann Arbor https://bsky.app/profile/marcofoster.bsky.social/post/3lrludtfhok2u

screenshot of a bsky post showing an overhead video of a huge crowd

Oakland, time lapse video, “Time lapse of Oakland no kings march eventually taking over both sides of Broadway from
@oaklandside.org. Many thousands of people.”

https://bsky.app/profile/brandon.insertcredit.com/post/3lrlyk4tlr22b

San Francisco (the beach gathering that spells out No Kings in people)
Video: https://bsky.app/profile/imanor.bsky.social/post/3lrlt2nrcqs25
Still image: https://bsky.app/profile/brucehinze.bsky.social/post/3lrlohrocbc2l

aerial photo of no kings spelled out with the letters formed by the bodies of a huge crowd of people

San Francisco, view down Dolores towards downtown: https://bsky.app/profile/leojos.bsky.social/post/3lrlttaf2ts2x

a large crowd streaming down palm tree lined Dolores St. in San Francisco, view over several city blocks

Chicago, earlier today estimated 80K, but I have seen higher numbers: https://bsky.app/profile/markjacob.bsky.social/post/3lrlppmtqok2e

https://bsky.app/profile/xplicitpolitix.bsky.social/post/3lrlsejv5mc2m

aerial shot of an enormous public square jam packed with people, this was the rally but there were 10 full city blocks of people marching behind this

And this video from Chicago showing along the lakefront, wow! https://bsky.app/profile/jimbrown.bsky.social/post/3lrlqjbkxjs2n

(here is a screenshot of a bit of that video)

screenshot of truly fucking enormous crowd along a huge length of chicago lakeshore drive

Philly, PA 80K-100K (from different reports) https://bsky.app/profile/rweingarten.bsky.social/post/3lrlsyq2ig22p

https://bsky.app/profile/krassenstein.bsky.social/post/3lrlsejjgmc2a

screenshot of a bit of aerial video of huge crowds filling several streets and plazas

a large crowd in front of speakers in a public square in philadelphia

Houston, TX

https://bsky.app/profile/aft.org/post/3lrlaa2jtis2r

photo from within a crowd of  baseball hatted houstonians with signs, likely everyone is covered in sweat

Pittsburgh, PA
https://bsky.app/profile/engelr412.bsky.social/post/3lrlkwfym3c2f

big crowd somewhere in pittsburgh

and more pittsburgh, (a fun thread! i like the “what a jagoff” sign)

https://bsky.app/profile/engelr412.bsky.social/post/3lrlkwfym3c2f

https://bsky.app/profile/kemek.bsky.social/post/3lrlnbju7qk2m

a more clear aerial shot of the crowd in front of an official looking building in pittsburgh

Lancaster, PA
https://bsky.app/profile/got-yarn.bsky.social/post/3lrlgjeybss2g

a moderately sized crowd filling a public plaza in a town in pennsylvania that i have never heard of

Salt Lake City Utah,
https://bsky.app/profile/luckytran.com/post/3lrlmjvzpxs2x

aerial view of a moderately large crowd

Charleston, SC

https://bsky.app/profile/chsindivisible.bsky.social/post/3lrlbdajbec2b

shot of people in a crowd on a hot day's no kings rally in south carolina

Olympia, WA

https://bsky.app/profile/ranaman004.bsky.social/post/3lrlmziphgk2r

another big crowd in front of a government building, in olympia

Dallas, TX. Police reports were of 10K protestors. These videos seem to me to show more than that.

https://bsky.app/profile/therickydavila.bsky.social/post/3lrlvgumz6s2u

https://bsky.app/profile/victinibcn.bsky.social/post/3lrltqe6czc2a

https://bsky.app/profile/lorennacleary.bsky.social/post/3lrlo2krekk24

https://bsky.app/profile/dallasnews.com/post/3lrljrilmvg2x

Fort Worth, “No kings, si vaqueros in Fort Worth” :

https://bsky.app/profile/moye.bsky.social/post/3lrlnz5xyfc22

men on horseback in a no kings parade in texas, us and mexican flags flying

Nashville, TN

https://bsky.app/profile/johnhaubenreich.bsky.social/post/3lrlcmrcc7k2e

a moderately large crowd in nashville tennessee

Kingston, NY, a town I have never heard of but which was one of the many “a huge percentage of the population of the town turned out” reports I saw today. “Sheriff said 5,000 attended! City has 24k people total”

https://bsky.app/profile/ariberman.bsky.social/post/3lrlr6bs3y22q

Bastrop, TX, “small town, large turnout of 700 10 am CDT”
https://bsky.app/profile/shelleytango.bsky.social/post/3lrlozrsjas2v

Austin TX: “Austin proceeds despite the evacuation of the TX Capitol at 1 pm in response to what TX DPS called a “credible threat” against lawmakers attending today’s rally, one of more than 1,800 across the country.”

https://bsky.app/profile/somewhereinatx.bsky.social/post/3lo5ethncdc2x

https://bsky.app/profile/candicebernd.bsky.social/post/3lrlwrbkcn224

https://bsky.app/profile/dianejohnson13.bsky.social/post/3lrlxymqwek2x

view of crowd in front of the capitol building from inside the crowd
view down austin's main downtown street, congress ave, of a big crowd marching with signs

San Diego, along the waterfront,

https://bsky.app/profile/dworkin.bsky.social/post/3lrljwvlomc2t

multiple city blocks of a very wide crowd along a waterfront street in san diego

Portland Oregon: “Thousands showed up today in Portland, Oregon along the waterfront”

https://bsky.app/profile/blondiebombshell.bsky.social/post/3lrlsd5brtc2r

jam packed street in portland, marchers with signs

Seattle, WA

https://bsky.app/profile/pnwgoodboy.bsky.social/post/3lrlok2qhkk2x

giant crowd in a huge public square and surrounding streets in seattle

Sacramento, CA

https://bsky.app/profile/dworkin.bsky.social/post/3lrljnyrics2t

another aerial shot of a big ass crowd this one in front of the california state capitol building

Minneapolis, this is so impressive and amazing since this march was actually called off because of the political assassination of State Rep. Melissa Hortman and her husband and shooting of State Sen. John Hoffman and his wife (who are expected to survive).

“The day started with tragedy with political violence in MN and instead of being scared, neighbors SHOWED UP to stand together at No Kings Twin Cities. We packed the Capitol Mall all the way to the Cathedral. Estimate 80,000+ right now. So proud of our state.”

https://bsky.app/profile/indivistwincities.bsky.social/post/3lrlwe6decs2h

enormous, enormous crowd, aerial photo, in front of capitol building

Somewhere in Idaho, “Do you know how badly you have to screw up as a Republican to get this kind of turnout in IDAHO? ”

https://bsky.app/profile/heathersdesk.bsky.social/post/3lrlpmxykws2a

a large crowd in some public square in an unknown idaho town

I could just keep going, I didn’t even try to look up particular cities or look up the hash tag. This is just what came into the main Blue Sky feed that isn’t even people I follow or particularly tailored for me. Please feel free to add more in comments!!!!!

Blood on the Fog

This morning spent with the kittens, in bed, with coffee, doing the Sunday NYT crossword (though the quality has fallen off lately), tidying up until I find my notebook, my other notebook, my favorite pens, which takes a while since I have to tidy up everything I see along the way; then sitting in my reading chair again with kittens and writing and reading some old drafts and funny snippets of half-poems. Tried to work on “Generation ship” but instead worked on “Wry crips”, which feels close to done.

two siamese kittens asleep in my armchair  half on my lap, alongside laptop, books, and  open notebooks with a pen

As I look over my drafts and “finished” poems I have to keep repeating to myself: Not every poem is as good as my best poems. That’s ok! They can be finished and still count. It is always comforting to think that even my favorite poets have books where I only like 1 or 2 things or even just a few lines that stand out. But it is a horrible struggle and I feel faintly ill whenever I look at a poem that doesn’t go somewhere really or that feels Not Finished or like maybe I just went down the wrong path and should have thrown it all out. The perfect is the enemy of the finished. Maybe “good” or even “acceptable” or “I can see that I was trying something” can equal “DONE”.

Speaking of excellence tho my morning book after that is something spectacular. It’s Blood on the Fog by Tongo Eisen-Martin and I will be reading this book for a while / repeatedly with attention (which means it being a Pocket Poets edition is convenient). And I would really like to hear this guy read.

Did I know he was the current poet laureate of San Francisco? I did not! I just picked this up a while back as I riffled through many small books in a store somewhere in town and hit on this as instantly awesome from page 1 & then throughout. How is that assessment so fast? Like I can tell if something is gonna bore me or i’ve read something like it a hundred times.

* not prose
* not boring
* says something
* explodes in my mind a little
* language muscles flexing
* holographic
* riding a fucking tiger
* vivid images embraced
* conversational moments
* crams in a lot of thought

There is a thing I love that I don’t get to do enough which is when you get some poets talking, we all sound fucking insane-o in the best way and you can say oblique shit, heavy nonsense that is way up your own ass or your poem’s ass, and everyone understands. Oh yeah!!!!! Give me that sweet juice!!!!! that is how this book feels.

Some of these longer poems remind me of the best of Judy Grahn (Like A Woman is Talking to Death, the long poem about the mother dressing the bride as if sending to war, etc. ) in that they talk direct, they are in the world and current, not wearing some kind of weird hat, have a political awareness that is developed and centered and has compressed rage into language and action and yet also is free to range and roam.

“Will I be tied face to face with the country I murder”


Hand over my friends, Lord

Lord, I think that I am going to die in a war

That hit me hard. this whole poem is fucking great.

waiting for the cornfield to shrug
we are forgetful
but your ancestors nevertheless

slowing down the poem to the speed of sweet light

This is just little bits to tempt you to read more by the way.

and yes,

It's a simple matter
this revolution thing
To really lie to no one
To keep nothing godlike

(yes please. fuck, i’m so tired. )

anchored and expanded

My morning book (besides finishing a 1950s Dickson Carr Dr. Fell novel set in a theater) is let the heart hold down the breakage by Maureen Owen who is high in my pantheon of favorite poets. I picked this book up and a co-authored travel one in Seattle at Open Books, and some other tiny magazines, so pleased to riffle through the entire store in search of something I was not allergic too and didn’t already have.

let the heart has what I want, like a sort of guidepost, in the obvious life stage way and in its poetics – the floatiness I love in Owen’s poems and the feeling of freedom over the page – but anchored in daily life without a gimmick or any plonking.

If I can bitch for a minute about a thing I don’t like – I’ve written it up before in a tiny book of critical essays called Hot Air – it would be the plonk or the “hmmm” moment of a poem that says two obvious things and then wraps itself up in a smug little knot and then everyone in the room goes “mmmmMMMMMmmmm” and nods. Oh fuck I hate it! And even more when it’s like, “oh there’s some flowers on my living room table and then i thought about how my dad was emotionally repressed”. (Sorry not sorry) I think this catches people who are technically competent (D. would say “Workmanlike” ) and sit down to write a poem and are casting about for a subject or who have picked the subject like a class assignment and are trying to draw it and then add a title (the ending lines of the HmmMMMMmm poem) that baldly say the moral of the story, in case you missed it.

Anyway Owen avoids all that.

I also feel a skepticism of the tendency (including in myself) to write about beautiful things without being anchored in daily reality – like utopian communities and manifestoes where you know someone (not the author) is cooking scrambled eggs for 20 people and cleaning up afterwards, or like loving Walden without keeping the women in mind who supported Thoreau with domestic labor – Though we hardly know whether to deplore Thoreau’s lack of practical living skills, or debunk his debunkers I still can’t think of him without muttering “pies. laundry.” as grumpily as if texting it to someone complete with those grim full stops at end of line.

How do we write about giant feelings that trickle into every corner of ourselves, and seem indescribable? We know everyone can look at the clouds or trees and feel something and novels wind you up in the characters’ heads so that your own feelings are evoked, or you have the flash of empathy for the fantastical scenes & state of mind of the story. And in poetry my aim is to express something or describe something I can only express in this way, to evoke it in a reader or listener and also as a poet looking at the world I try to disrupt and expand my own consciousness, to open it to many things. And then I want to give other people a glimpse of that (or maybe at the core just be able to read it again myself and remember the intensity and complexity of feeling, or thought, I was mustering up.) If you are feeling, and also knowing things, and aware, and also doing things? That’s a lot to cram into a small space !

let the heart sets the scene of a diary and care work – big feelings, like, buckle up, we’re going in.

The poem early on titled “Mom” pitches me right into Owen-world, we are anchored in reality in the flip flops, the tender care as she shades her mom, the pines are maybe shading similarly but they are napping like Mom, they are carer and cared-for by the poet’s awareness.

Like, we have all stared at the beautiful motion of pine trees in the wind – at least I like to think we have – This admiration and wonder most lately expressed by the impulse to point your phone camera up and snap some photos, checking over them greedily to see if the magic has been caught in your representational net – Does it just look like a tree from below or is the feeling there, does it carry the contagion of art? I love people doing this and their aspirations and dreams and the attempt.

so we are in the moment expanding our minds not to encompass more (that is so possessive and presumptious) but to be aware of more. tuning into a wide channel. with the floating over the page language and spacing and lines that free my mind as the reader (and as a poet too) – the breaths –

I’m wishing Carmen weren’t dead so I could send her this poem and really the whole book.

When Michele was here and we talked so intensely about her mother and were writing snippets for her memorial and M saying , this is what my mother would like, but all her accomplishments are not my mother, really, to me – and I was thinking about what she was to me and knowing a lot of her harsher (cruel, damaged) aspects but also my deep impression of her as a brilliant person looking for that big pond & big scope wherever she could find it with fierce ambition – in science and computing and genetics and culture and music. i searched for poems that M might accept as having the feel of her and settled on this from Amelia Earhart,
At breakfast the question of nuclear weapons in space

Now the voices were faded they sang to her Her own
name in bits Underneath 2556 miles of water whistled
shore tunes it's soft clapping a comfort & a horror
The plane is the point at which the fog & the sea would meet.
A koan is a puzzle that cannot be answered in ordinary ways.
All my
Electrons Lord! all my protons neutrons leptons
mesons haryons all my Gravitons! "this will be
the secret of my disappearance A massless particle
is a particle of zero rest mass all of its energy is energy

of motion"
Then I was so pleased M. got it and agreed it was perfect, but we also then realized it was not right for a poem in a memorial booklet to be read aloud to a group of miscellaneous people in assisted living and that that memorial was for her dad and her and other family but in that setting was mostly for the other residents and a more understandable bit of poetry (Joyce Grenfell) would be best for the context.

Just as that crowd never knew V. as the complicated and beautiful high flyer she was, the poem would also fly over them and just be confusing. But to me and M. it was perfect, and comforting, and helped us feel seen and like V. was understood and seen.

The HmmmmmmMMMMmmmm of shared understanding, and songs and rituals, are useful and important for sure.

Grenfell’s poem, and I still want to slam it as a hallmark card of a “poem”, UGH SORRY, at least helps us all agree that yes, death sucks and we are sad, and yet sucky things are all the time, and we still should find happiness. Nothing to argue with there honestly. So I feel a tension between knowing what serves most people best and my own abstractions & kind of being up my own ass in an only liking the poet’s poets way, which I really can’t help. We can fly ambitiously like AE while knowing she also washes her dishes and makes coffee and is a real person, grounded.

What is a poem FOR – there can be many answers!

Back to let the heart hold down the breakage. The qualities of a diary are beautiful to me (the world split open, right?) Daily experience – physicality – the world of over the counter drugs, used kleenexes, bacon, while swooping back and forth in time and over lifetimes and having the holograph of the person you knew over time (and the imagined person they were before you knew them) build and build on itself till you want to explode.

What Owen is doing in her book is letting much more of the sadness in, acknowledging things that are hard, accepting the work in front of her (one of my main principles in life despite also being a sort of escape artist) whole heartedly. I see in my own life people who have done intense care work being more than a little traumatized by it and having difficulty thinking about it, sharing it, but then it spills over. I appreciate the work to hold it (the work and the trauma, or the feelings, and yes the beauty in it) and integrate it into the consciousness of everything ELSE. To me – this is a perfect example of the poet’s hunger for wisdom & the fruit it bears.

Bad inventions: The upside-down chandelier hat!

I thought of a good bad invention yesterday with my nephew as we studied the vaulted ceilings in my parents’ condo. The upside-down chandelier hat!! While you are right side up, it just looks like a large fancy hat with sparkling decorations heaped on top.

BUT!!!! When you are ready for a formal dinner, simply hang a trapeze over the dining table. The hat-wearer needs to get up their and hang by their knees upside down on the trapeze, causing the hat to unfurl. The light source could be powered by a battery pack or, optionally, one side of the trapeze rope could be an electrical cable so that the hat can plug right in!

Voila – so elegant!

The sounds of a park day

I had such a lovely time this afternoon in Dolores Park just loafing around. It was a glorious warm day, one of those days when I know it will be extra warm because in the early morning the sky was blue instead of foggy. I saw an adorable punk wedding party having a little picnic (I gave the bride some zines). It would have been fun to interview them and write up their wedding small town newspaper social reporter style but I suddenly worried that would be too intrusive. However if you know the punk wedding party, connect me please so I can write that funny social column news story.

a tall person in a plaid punk looking suit, someone dressed in black, and someone in a froofy bridal veil but ruffled hot pants instead of a dress, in the center median of dolores park

Acrobats, maybe an entire circus school, having their practices on the lawn by the tennis courts. A guy playing decent blues guitar not too far away. Little kids rolling in the grass and doing cartwheels. Tiny dogs drinking from the special dog drinking fountain. People in very short shorts. Mild beer drinking in a laid back way. Lots of small picnics and people lying on the grass. An old hippie guy in a tie dye with a mushroom shaped money bucket (selling weed and shrooms).

I like the sound of all those humans together and the distant shriek of seagulls mixing with little kids laughing and calling to each other. It makes me think of being a kid on Narragansett Beach (or Bonnet Shores but really more Town Beach like because of the crowds)

On my way to the J train stop at the corner of the park I ran into the girl from my Buy Nothing neighborhood group who (around the election time) posted to say she wanted to do a nice thing for random strangers, and also wanted to practice with her new sewing machine, so the first five people to respond who have women’s pants with inadequate pockets, she will come by on her bike, pick up the pants, sew better pockets into them, and bring them back.

Besides the beauty of this idea and its multifaceted layers of thoughtfulness, and the awesomeness that my rainbow unicorn pants now have pockets big enough to hold my phone and keys, there is another, maybe unexpected layer. Every time I tell the story of this pants pocket sewing girl to someone, they love it and are blown away and make a resolution to do something even half as cool and creative to put something positive into the world. I think because it is strikingly achievable, and also obviously something anyone would be pleased by (at least anyone who asked for it). Big problems are hard to fix so we need to have ways to take heart in small ways.

I told the lady waiting at the ramp the pocket story as we admired her sleepy infant who was gnawing at his own wrist and pointing at the trains passing the other way. “You know what’s messed up,” she said. “HIS pockets are sometimes bigger than mine. He can’t even walk. What does he need pockets for?”

It is one of the perks of wheelchair use, that you get to hang out with all the stroller pushers and their cute kids. Either on the ramps or at the front of the bus!

I do love this city <3

Thoughts on disability representation and images

I was thinking this morning about the problems of making images that somehow represent concepts of “disability” in general, activism around disability justice and solidarity, or just wheelchair stuff.

You may recognize the problem. It is a challenge to find cool disability related stuff. If you want 9000 boring variations on the blue disability parking / bathroom symbol, great. But we need to go way beyond that!

In addition to running a nonprofit (Grassroots Open Assistive Tech) and creating logos and cover images for my small press zines, I love stickers and posters and all that stuff. In my backpack and in the side pocket of my powerchair, I carry a little pouch of stickers to give away to people. Some are for my own projects, some are random, some tech related, some fun cartoons or animals for kids. And I like to have cool queer, trans, and disability related stickers to share too!

To that end I regularly go trawling through Etsy doing keyword searches like “wheelchair + punk” and see what pops up. “Cripplepunk” is remarkably fruitful! I especially love the dynamic, queer coded pastel knuckle tattoo-ed manual chair “crip punk” sticker from ChaosCripples, and really want that on a tshirt or an iron on patch!

head on, fists forward, art on a sticker, of a wheelchair user with knuckle tattoos spelling crip punk

This one is nice too! “Mobility Aids Are Freedom” from SnailTrailStickers!

art on a sticker of a rollator, wheelchair, crutch and cane, that says Mobility Aids Are Freedom

If you go do some image searches for “wheelchair user” most of what you find will be kind of boring. “wheelchair user punk” used to bring up ALMOST NOTHING but lately, has been kind of good! Some kind of cultural shift (and maybe a technical shift as well) happened for that to be the case.

It’s not like we haven’t been around! Witness this pic of me from around 1993 taken by my sister! There was a version of this pic also photoshopped by her to make it look like the wheels are on fire. Note my amazing, youthful wheelchair-given triceps! Anyway I was a punk in a wheelchair and I would have really loved to see any kind of representation at all.
photo of young liz in a cambered sporty red quickie in 1993, leather hat and gloves, also huge muscles wow

My own drawing skills are OK but have a finicky, scritchy, lynda barryeqsue aesthetic that is not always what I want in a sticker. So I had a try at AI generating images a while back and came up with the seed of the Burn This Press logo I’ve been using on the back of some tiny zines. I lost the prompt but it was something like “nonbinary genderqueer punk, doing a wheelie in a modern dynamic sports wheelchair with electric sparks flying out” (developed over many iterations of bad prompts with bad results). I got something close to the current BTP logo which I then got my sister to re-drew a bit for clean up, and then I did more edits to mess with the hair, neck, lap, leg position, and so on.

Have a look at the Etsy and other online shops where people are making this kind of cool art! Buy their stuff and support them!

I surely have blogged before to lightly mock the wheelchair users we see in murals. They are in a terrible hospital chair, pushed by someone helpful, and everyone is looking up slightly with a beatific smile for maximum Inspo. Barf me out!

(edit: I can’t find that post, maybe it’s in draft somewhere, but here’s an example from the mural by where the J and N Muni trains stop at Church and Duboce. Note the ridiculously transcendent facial expression of this lady despite that she is riding the world’s crappiest wheelchair)

(further edit, i am only mildly cranky about this and like to make fun of things and it is a pet peeve, don’t get me wrong, i also appreciate ANY sort of representation for disabled folks and wheelchair users in particular, because it’s so damn rare)

(Also also, as the CEO of Digression, adding that I can wrench my mind from irritation that the one wheely person in this giant, pretty good and weird mural, is in a crappy chair being pushed, and direct it to the actually good fact that the care worker can also use a representational shout-out? though this is a struggle because what I personally want is a wheelchair user who “looks cool”)

detail from a mural showing a wheelchair user looking oddly ecstatic

Another problem with disability activism images is trying to represent as nebulous and huge of a concept of disability in one image. Using a wheelchair as this symbol is super lame! j/k!!!
This is how you end up with somewhat awkwardly drawn cartoon people where one is in a wheelchair, someone has a white cane, there’s an older person, somehow they try to work Deafness into it, they will be several different races, someone is in a sari and someone in a headscarf, and so on. Usually they are standing awkwardly around together as if posing for a stock photo! Maybe with protest signs if you are lucky but more often they aren’t doing anything other than Representing. I love this, and it is SO HARD TO DO in a way that looks good, and has some actual solidarity and joy in it rather than coming off as totally cheeseball!

(NOTE: I HAVE POSED FOR THIS PHOTO OFTEN – on request – feel free to put me in your pic – yes, if I work at your company or speak at your event, I absolutely will be in the front row or in your web site photo about Diversity – fuck yeah (but maybe with a little eyeroll))

I think these images, while lovely and well meaning and managing to do Representation, can come off as kind of bad art, or maybe we can be less snobby and call it folk art style, but I wish for artists who can draw the anatomy of human beings more competently than I can, to have at it on stickers, murals, tshirts, posters, logos, you name it. I want some cool socialist realist art of this Representation Group! Some art nouveau dandy versions ! Be in a park! Go to a music show! Be playing dungeons and dragons! Be doing something, omg.

Really the main problem is that none of these Group Photo Representation images, no matter how nice, work super well as logos as they are complicated and you have to draw a lot of bodies and faces and a background. When they are the best (to my mind) they become much more like narratives than logos! And that is good actually! That means they are MORE TRUE.

Here’s a pretty good one I found while writing this article from a report called “Resourcing Disability Justice: Our Feminist Journey Toward Centering Disability Justice“! These disabled people are having an ecstatic experience while feministly weaving together, and also representing some kind of super punk-ass rhizomatic concept, in space, on top of a damn rainbow! You see that it is trying to solve all the problems I describe in this single image. It is OVERCLOCKED. Really quite a challenge. Actually, my deep respect to everyone who has tried to meet this challenge, and a shout out to this artist, Abi Stevens!

(Note this report title is ALSO doing the most! “Toward” implies a proper humility, in that you are not done, or objective, or definitive, you are adding your little yawp to the collective chorus over time! We aren’t even defining or creating, we are Centering it. It’s also so disability justice that it has to say it TWICE.)

group of disabled women and girls in outer space, on a rainbow, weaving something collectively and joyfully

Another option is to have something kind of abstract – but what ?! I like ADAPT’s burst chain, in this category! There are many that are just like, a shape, or some shapes together, for maximum safety and boringness and when I see those I always imagine the ten painful committee meetings that produced them via painful hashing through everything else I just described. Thus, you may imagine me for years muttering “Oh, look, a SHAPE” and snorting to myself, whenever I encounter these logos, a mutter and snort that should be taken to convey the entire contents of this blog post, but 30 years of it.

For GOAT I worked both with poking some AI generators and also paying a friend who is a graphic designer to walk through a bunch of these concepts. Rather than human figures I thought it might be nice to have cute, colorful little icons of tech things. That way we get the variety of cross disability solidarity and the idea of tech stuff. The DIY vibe that I was going for is like the whole earth catalogue, sierra club how-to, 70s-ass hand drawn illustrations you might have in a step by step DIY instruction. So, my human designer drew me a whole set of icons, and I am combining and using them in different ways. There isn’t really a canonical “logo” yet but maybe one will evolve as I play with these images! I went with a tablet or ipad looking thing for AAC, a stylized ear with hearing aid and sound waves, and so on. The gear and tools, rather than the people.

colorful hand drawn icons of a powerchair, wrench and screwdriver crossed, spool of thread and needle, robot hand shaking a human hand

I was also going to say a word about stickers and patches and posters. They are usually very hand made and “folk art” feeling, they may or may not have “good” production values ie they may look a bit shitty or like they were created by raccoons in a back alley. That is fine actually. But what we want in our punk stickers etc. is a clear message that is legible to both our in group (other punks) and maybe to a lesser degree to our out groups (especially if we are telling them to fuck off). There’s a lot more I could say about that!

And the point of having these cool ass stickers to give to people is to bring joy to them unexpectedly – there is something so nice about, another disabled person complimenting my stickers a little bit wistfully and then I pull out a whole sheaf of stickers they can pick through & take! People really light up! Of course it is always interesting to see what they will choose when offered a wide selection! Bringing this tiny bit of happiness and crip joy to random strangers is also useful activism to do in daily practice.